We all know it’s not fair to compare, but somehow, I still end up watching a youtube video where the pregnant mother of two two and under has vlogged her day making multiple batches of cookies, going to the library for toddler story hour, making an amazing healthy dinner for her family, going to the playground, helping her toddler do a seasonal craft, and probably 5000 other fun productive things that I selectively forgot since watching the video and feeling terrible about my mothering skills. I know it’s not fair to compare, but any time I see women posting on facebook about their sour dough bread baking and all the books they’ve read and all the great things they’ve gotten to do with their kids, I come away feeling like my aims for just getting through the day without anyone starving or majorly hurting themselves were so low they didn’t even come close to hitting the bottom of the target, let alone coming anywhere near the bullseye.
There are seasons I’ve wondered how anyone even gets their laundry done in a week and feeds their family without resorting to fish fingers. There are seasons where I have felt like getting out to the library for toddler story hour might as well have been taking a trip to Australia solo with two children in toe. But I’m realizing now, there are also weeks like this, when, I still don’t feel like the fun mom, but if I posted the highlights on social media, someone might think I am. We took our kids to the cafe, I brought them out shopping for a baby shower and then brought one of my children to said baby shower, we made three batches of cookies, including one decorated for Vallentine’s Day, visited a friend’s house for pancake Tuesday, had multiple beautiful walks in the sunshine, enjoyed visits from multiple family members and friends, and read a TON of books.
Okay, so maybe not the fun mom, but not the totally disorganized boring mom either, which is normally the title I would most identify with. But these ARE just the highlights. I wouldn’t post about the times I rushed around throwing laundry into drawers while my husband spent the last 10 minutes before work with the kids. I didn’t mention the what felt like hundreds of nappy changes and potty training accidents. I didn’t bother noting the mornings I woke so tired I could hardly stand, stumbling out to fetch my screaming toddler and baby and blearily readying them for the day before willing my hands to spread cream cheese on a bagel for my daughters breakfast. I certainly didn’t tell you about the afternoon I continued feeling so exhausted that I collapsed on the couch during nap-time, only to have to retrieve my toddler 20 minutes later to snuggle with me on the couch for another 20 minutes or so, until she just wouldn’t tolerate it anymore. And while some nights I served a hot and healthy balanced meal to my family at the proper time, other nights I scrambled to throw a few frozen veggies in a pan and heat up some frozen potato halves to go with our leftover roast chicken, which we did not eat until after bedtime.
Mom guilt is a real thing, and not always a bad thing. I think there are lots of things I can improve on in my mothering and home making. Sometimes my negative feelings surrounding the state of my home or the quality of the time I spent with my children are warranted. Sometimes, I do need to step back and repent of laziness, or lack of discipline, or selfishness, or whatever it is that seems to be the issue, but I also must recognize that the Lord is gracious, and the efforts I am making to grow as a wife, mother, and home maker are not unnoticed. The Lord knows how I need to grow, and he knows that my desire to improve in my role is a genuine one, and he is listening to my prayers.
Comparing myself to social media moms so often ends in pure discouragement, and the temptation to wallow in self-pity and despair is strong, but there is no need. “No need?!” you say. “But you don’t know how much I’ve struggled! You don’t know how hard it’s been. You don’t know how many times I’ve tried and failed to be the mom I want to be.” And maybe I don’t. But God does, and he tells us that he listens to our prayers.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, through prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” (Phil 4:6-7).
I have lately been very convicted about my prayer habits. In praying more often, I have been astonished to see the Lord answering prayers, weeks, days, or even sometimes hours or minutes later. And I have been so powerfully reminded that my father cares for me, and wants to help me.
Tired mama, lonely mama, anxious mama, grieving mama, impatient mama, frustrated mama, you are not without hope. Christ is with us. He knows our struggles, and he knows our need, and HE alone has the power to rescue us from our sin, and change us from the inside out to be better, kinder, more cheerful, more energetic, more organized, more patient mothers. Looking to social media can bring on the mom guilt, or sometimes it might give us something to aim for, some ideas we’d like to incorporate into our daily routine, but that’s not where we will get the help we need to grow. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.
Let us not grow weary in doing good, but rather, let us cast ourselves upon the abundant grace and mercy of God, telling Jesus about our struggles and hopes just as we would an earthly friend. You will find that the gentle nudge of our kind shepherd will lead you faithfully to will and to act according to his purposes. He loves you, mama, and knows exactly what you need. Trust him to be the one who will provide it.
Opportunity Unleashed 