Category: Blindness

Going to the Park as a Blind Mama

The first time I took my daughter to the park was intimidating. I knew she was big enough to start going in the swing, but it wasn’t her I was nervous about. I wasn’t terribly comfortable with the layout of the playground. What if I couldn’t find the baby swings? Would other parents be grabbing me and dragging me around the place if they saw me trying to get oriented? What if all the baby swings were taken? How would I know and wouldn’t it be really awkward if I just stood there close by, listening to determine whether they were occupied? What if the other parents talked to me? Or, what if none of the other parents wanted to talk to me? What if all the children were attracted to Prim and she couldn’t do her job because she was being distracted? 

I know it sounds dramatic, but my heart was racing along with my thoughts as I directed Prim to the gate of the playground and we made our way toward where I thought the swing set would be. As I suspected, parents did immediately notice me and offered help, but it wasn’t in the sort of aggressive way I was expecting. They just greeted me kindly and offered help if I needed it. I had an immediate sense of simultaneous panic and relief, something like, “Oh no! They are talking to me!”, while at once thinking, “Oh thank the Lord, they are talking to me”

One dad let me know that he and his child were using the swing closest to me, but that there was one available right next to them. I was endlessly thankful he had chosen merely to give me useful information about the location of an available swing, rather than seeing me close by and rushing to move himself and his child out of the way, which sometimes happens and always makes me feel terrible. We struck up a friendly conversation for a minute while we pushed our little ones in the swings side by side, and I started to breath. This going to the park thing wasn’t so bad after all.

Every time I have gone since, it has gotten easier and easier, and today was down right delightful. Little Miss thoroughly enjoyed her time in the swing, then walked and crawled about, happily observing the other children at their play, climbing the steps of the jungle gym, and obliging me as I put her on the slide a few times. One mother admired my daughter, remarking, “She’s gorgeous.” and we had a casual back and forth about our little girls, while two other mothers recognized me from a mums and tots group we have taken part in and we chatted amiably the whole time. 

Once a cause for anxiety, trips to the park are becoming more and more a blessing, and the glimpse of possible friendships developing from it is an even more unexpected bonus. Add to that Prim’s great work taking me right to the gate of the playground, and then the baby swings, and the incredible weather… and I’m just feeling really thankful for trips to the park with my two sweet girlies.

Transferring Guide Dog Schools?

 I am a proud guide dog user, and a proud graduate of Guiding Eyes for the Blind, based in Yorktown Heights, New York. Both of my beautiful black labradors were bred, raised, and trained through GEB. I got wonderful post-graduate support from my trainers there, and expected to continue attending for successor dogs for the rest of my guide dog working life, and then I moved internationally. 

As far as I can tell, Guiding Eyes would still be willing to work with me as someone that has already worked with them twice. I actually already did meet up with my trainer about a month after I moved here (she just happened to be coming on vacation and stopped by to check in with us ha. That’s definitely commitment), but there are complications when I need post graduate support, with the distance being so great. Thus, I am considering transferring to my local guide dog school. 

In some ways, I am quite bewildered by this idea, because I have loved my experience with Guiding Eyes so much, and even more so as a returning graduate. It is lovely to have that connection with trainers and staff, and have that whirlwind catch up session any time you have a field visit or go back for a successor dog. If I carried on going there for every one of my guide dogs, there could be staff there when I am fifty that were there when I was sixteen. In that way, it is a very special relationship that I do not want to relinquish too easily. That said, I am also a naturally very curious person, and would be interested to observe the various differences between the two schools by pursuing follow up support and training with my local school… that in addition to the minor factor that they are not located an ocean away, which does make any necessary extra support a bit easier to organize.

So, it is my local school that will be delivering a follow-up visit with Prim and I tomorrow, and I am looking forward to the process. I am hoping to get a couple of things out of the visit.

1 Work on impulse control.

now that Prim is not only responsible for my safety, but also my baby’s, I am much more conscious of the way food and dog distractions can be dangerous, even life threatening. We had a frightening experience not too long ago, which I will write about another time, that convinced me this is an area that needs a bit of work for us as a team.

If I were to work with a Guiding Eyes instructor on dog distraction, I would expect them to encourage me to use a combination of leash corrections and counter conditioning (rewarding Prim for looking at me rather than looking at the other dog). I would anticipate possibly some use of the touch command, which I have described in another post, and other obedience exercises in the presence of other dogs. I assume the trainer tomorrow will expect that my training may be slightly different to that of his school, but I hope he will describe what he would personally do to work on this. It can be so helpful to hear other perspectives, more tools in your tool box and all that.

2 Work on a challenging route.

Most of my daily routes are not all that complex, and the truly complex one is sadly a long enough walk that I think it would be a bit unmanageable to do with the trainer, but there is one I can think of that I have never quite gotten a firm handle on, and that seems always to be a bit of a struggle for Prim in the distraction department.

3 Obtain a harness from the local school.

This feels a little strange to do, because Prim was trained by Guiding Eyes, and represents them, to the extent that a dog can represent an organization, when she puts on the harness with their name stamped into the leather, but I have requested whether we could be issued a harness from our local school, as recent events have revealed that the GEB harness is much, much different from the one people expect to see here, and that has caused problems more than a couple of times.

The only major snag in all this is that my childcare plan got derailed last minute, which means baby has to be there while we work on all this. How will all this go? I have no idea… but I shall update here with any relevant thoughts.

When Mama Is Not Enough

I was spending the afternoon at a friend’s house a couple of months ago. Her son, who was about 16 months at the time, loves books. I’d sat next to him and his mama while she read to him, but this time, he brought the book to me.

Woman reading a book to a toddler. Photo by Lina Kivaka on Pexels.com

“Uh-oh.” I said, as he put the book in my hands. I wanted to read it to him, but it was in print, and I couldn’t. My friend laughed at my expression. 

“It’s okay. Just make it up. He won’t know the difference.” 

I did, with the book upside down for a while hahaha until he went and chose another book. I kept making things up, and my friend was right, he didn’t seem to mind. Still, I shuttered to think about the moment, months or years down the road, when my child would bring me a book that I couldn’t read to her. Would I react so calmly in that situation, or would I break down because I couldn’t do it for her. 

It makes me sad that I can’t read any old book to her, that I have to have specific books brailled out or in digital formats to be able to share them with her, but that’s not going to change, and in reality, it wouldn’t be any different if I were a sighted parent. Sure, I could read books to her without a problem, but I’d have other failures, distractions, difficulties as an individual that would be challenging in other ways, a detriment to her. I know without a doubt that my blindness has shaped me as a person. Would I be as good of a mom to my baby if I hadn’t been molded so? Considering I believe in a sovereign God who shapes every one of our experiences I don’t think so. He made me the way I am for a purpose, and he chose me, out of billions, to be my daughter’s mama. 

When encountering those moments, I think it is important to remember a couple of things.

1 God will use my deficiencies to shape my daughter, just as I have been molded by them and those of my parents. He is a good God, and he will redeem every one of them for his glory and good purpose.

2 It is inevitable that I will fail my daughter, and frequently, but when she feels the weight of my failures, she has a heavenly father to run to who will never fail or forsake her. Every single time I prove inadequate in some way, there is an opportunity for her to turn to the one who lacks nothing, who gives graciously of his own perfect being to each of his children in abundant measure.

And thus, what appears to me utter insufficiency will become for her wholly sufficient, not because she has all in me or in any created thing, but because she has Christ, and in him, she has everything.

Blind Mama Pregnancy Vlog | Week 36!

We are finally getting toward the end of sharing my pregnancy journey with you. I enjoyed filming these videos so much, and am glad I will have them to look bak on in the future. In this update, I share about a doctor’s visit, virtual baby shower, and our final preparations for baby. Watch my 36 week update here.

Thanks again for joining!

Blind Mama Pregnancy Vlog | Week 30

The next update in my pregnancy journey! This week, I talked about some adaptive tools that might help if you are a blind parent yourself. Plus, my usual discussion of symptoms, a doctor’s appointment, and concerns. You can watch my 30 week update here.

Are there any tips and tricks that you’ve found useful as a parent to a young child? Let me know in the comments, and don’t forget that you can subscribe directly to my youtube channel to hear more about my experience of pregnancy. As always, thanks so much for joining!

Blind Mama Pregnancy Vlog | Week 26

In the interest of catching you up on the pregnancy journey and my thoughts on motherhood so far, you can watch my update from my 26th week of pregnancy here.

As always, thanks so much for joining, and if you want to hear more updates like this, feel free to subscribe to my youtube channel directly.

Blind Mama Pregnancy Vlogs | Weeks 22 and 24

I realized I missed posting the last several videos concerning my pregnancy journey here! Belowyou can find the links for my 22 and 24 week updates. Check back again here to hear more about my pregnancy journey, or subscribe to my youtube channel.

For week 22, click here, and for week 24, visit this link.

Thanks for following along!

Blind Mama Pregnancy Vlog | Week 16

Excited to share the next installment of my pregnancy journey! This week, I talk about baby’s development so far, my blind parenting tip of the week, symptoms (including one that might be TMI, so feel free to skip those few moments of the video), plus some of my thoughts at the time on parenting fears etc.

Check out my newest video here

And come back next week for more updates!

Blind Mama Pregnancy Vlog | Week 10

Enjoy my second update in my Blind Mama Pregnancy Vlog series! A similar set up as my first video, detailing symptoms, things I was thinking about, and my prayers at the time.

Blind Mama Pregnancy Vlog | Week 10

Be sure to check back for more updates next week!

Have any questions about life as a blind person, guide dog user, or blind parent-to-be? Feel free to comment here or on Youtube! Are you a blind parent yourself and want to help inform others about the capabilities of blind and vision impaired people? Share this video, and drop me a comment to let me know what might be good topics to discuss here and on my channel.

Until next time…

❤