Excited to share the next installment of my pregnancy journey! This week, I talk about baby’s development so far, my blind parenting tip of the week, symptoms (including one that might be TMI, so feel free to skip those few moments of the video), plus some of my thoughts at the time on parenting fears etc.
Have any questions about life as a blind person, guide dog user, or blind parent-to-be? Feel free to comment here or on Youtube! Are you a blind parent yourself and want to help inform others about the capabilities of blind and vision impaired people? Share this video, and drop me a comment to let me know what might be good topics to discuss here and on my channel.
I’ve had a few false starts with publishing youtube videos, but it’s mostly because I feel a bit uncomfortable with the vulnerability of filming. Somehow it feels much less personal to publish written posts on my blog, rather than record something with audio and visuals, but I have felt for a long time that I have a responsibility at some level to share my experiences as a blind person, and now particularly as a blind parent, in order to inform others about the capabilities of blind people.
I’ve always enjoyed watching pregnancy updates on youtube, but have never seen one by a blind content creator. I thought making my own might therefore be a great way to reflect on my experiences throughout pregnancy, while also sharing about blind parenting techniques. More than anything, I hope the thing people take away from this video is the utter “ordinariness” of my experiences, despite my unusual perspective as someone with a visual impairment.
In this first video, enjoy hearing how we found out about our precious little one, plus symptoms and the equipment/products we’ve acquired so far.
I know we weren’t the only 2020 couple that got our wedding plans totally derailed by Covid restrictions. Fortunately, our August date fell at a time when we were allowed to have 20 some people in person at the ceremony. We had to let go of our hotel wedding with over a hundred guests, including all of my family and friends from America. I wouldn’t be able to wear my grandmother and mother’s wedding dress, as I had hoped. My mom wouldn’t be there to help me get ready. My brothers would not be groomsmen. My best friends from the States wouldn’t be standing with me. My Dad wouldn’t be walking me down the aisle, and the toasts and dancing I had imagined for our reception wouldn’t happen either.
But praise God we could still get married! I ordered my 27 euro white dress on Amazon. I set to making wedding vests for our flower girl and ring bearer, that is, Prim and my nephew puppy. Several of my sweet friends from church helped me put together decorations and set up the church hall for ceremony and reception. My dear friend’s mother-in-law gathered beautiful arrangements of wild flowers and greenery for the tables and window sills. Our family gifted us the money for our reception meal, and friends offered us white table cloths and silverware to dress up the dinner.
Here again was the good and the hard. I didn’t forget everyone and everything I was missing that day. My heart ached for the presence of my loved ones far away, and for the traditions we wouldn’t get to take part in because of the lockdowns. All of that is true, and yet also true was the anticipation I felt as I waited, dressed and ready in my friend’s car, with my flowers and Grandmother’s Bible clutched in my arms. Prim was excited too, sweet in her burlap vest covered in pink hyacinths and pearls. I was breathless as my maid of honor helped me into the church and hovered with me at the door of the sanctuary. My stomach lurched at hearing the harp begin to play. It was almost time!
“Are you nervous?” my friend asked in a whisper.
“I’m so excited!” I whispered back, feeling like I might actually choke with the thrill of it all.
It took seconds for my friend and I to walk down the aisle, and then I was beside him, and all there was was joy. His hand found mine, and I held on. We smiled and laughed and sang our way through the ceremony, and walked out into the August sunshine, officially husband and wife.
God seems to have made the human heart with the capacity to enjoy blessing and endure trial at the same time, to live through hard things, and know that they can still be good, or at least, that good still exists because the God of goodness remains. I don’t understand how our wedding day could be as blessed and sweet as it was with all the hard that was attached to it, but by God’s grace it was, and I smile every time I think of the day I became my husband’s bride.
God makes the same commitment to his church as my love and I made to one another on that August afternoon.
“I take thee”, Jesus says to his bride, “For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health…”, though our Lord, in his sovereign kindness need not finish, “until death do us part”. Instead, he can truly say, “And death shall never part us.” because of what Christ did at Calvary.
As my friend pointed out, the Gospel is our greatest example of the good and the simultaneous hard. Jesus, though blameless, lived a life of difficulty, “A man of sorrows acquainted with grief”. Though innocent, he died the death of the worst criminal, and suffered the wrath of his father. And yet, he rose again on the third day, and it is because of all of these things that the Christian can be declared righteous before God. The “Good News” of the Gospel is wrapped up in the most difficult experience a human has ever endured. While there may be times where blessing and trial come in tandem, as it did on our wedding day, it is ultimately this good news that gives us hope even when it seems blessing is altogether absent, so that even then we can say, “Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.”
You may have noticed that this blog has been going through some alterations over the last several months. I began the transition to remove old blog posts and revamp the website to become my online base as a professional. I was only part of the way through that process when life changed… in a big way, and my career trajectory changed with it.
I cannot share the news publicly, yet, but suffice it to say that the Lord had much better plans than I did. I’m delighted to be following his lead, even as it required me to let go of my own ideas of what the near future might hold.
Still, even when it’s good news, change can be a challenge to navigate. I’ve struggled to know what to do with this website after putting a fair amount of work into developing relevant material for my professional presence online. I didn’t want to throw it all away, but at the same time, I was presented with the reality that my new career path might not necessarily require a dedicated website. Meanwhile, I found myself writing blog post after blog post that had nowhere to go.
So, it was either return Opportunity Unleashed to its original intended purpose, or start a new blog. After much thought and prayer, I decided to continue blogging here, and move any detailed information about my therapy work to other platforms. I think this is the most ethical decision for various reasons. I’m also very relieved to have a personal blog again!
Thanks for continuing to follow along here! I look forward to sharing more updates as we head into 2021! Praying that you have a blessed Christmas season and lovely New Year!
Spring 2020 brought some sudden, and quite extreme, changes to the whole world. I think we all reacted to said changes in different ways, depending on our unique personality or circumstances. I did not like the changes one bit, nor those that quickly followed in my personal life, and found it very difficult to adjust to them. There were times in that period when I tried to handle things in my own strength. They were the worst days, but there were other times when the Lord enabled me to lean on him instead. When I felt alone, I knew he was with me. When I was despairing, I could find hope in him. When I had no energy to do school work, he gave me the motivation to keep going. Sometimes he accomplished this through his word, sometimes through prayer, and frequently through music. Some of these are the songs that he used to speak to me during that month and a half. Others were ones that reminded me of loved ones I was missing. Some are just songs that I thought were interesting or fun. I hope you’ll enjoy them, too.
This has been a refrain for me in so many prayers over the last few months, and I think will continue to be.
As before, it is so profound to listen to all these songs in the same sitting, and relive some of theexperiences they are attached to. Some of it is painful to relive, some joyous, some simply peaceful. It’s amazing how music can evoke so much, even just in the listening. I look forward to doing it again in the Spring!
A little story I wrote for a blog I contributed to. The blog is no longer running so I decided to republish it here. Enjoy.
Prim has consistently been rather stubborn about going to church. When I asked my trainer about it, she suggested that perhaps Prim simply wasn’t religious. I laughed at that, but it wasn’t a sufficient explanation, especially when I realized that Prim was somewhat unwilling to walk the route from church, as well as to church. Today I figured out why.
Our walk to church includes traversing several sets of steps, the top level of a parking garage, and a long, side-walkless driveway, one that is consistently populated by church-goers’ vehicles leaving and entering our parking lot. Because there is no sidewalk, we are forced to stick as close as we can to the edge of the road. Prim is trained to do this. It’s a technique called “shore-lining”, but she is still not satisfied. She often stops in the parking lot or veers to the grass when she sees an idoling car, as I think she recognizes it as a threat. Well, one day on our way out of church, Prim decided to take matters into her own paws. Despite my direction to walk straight, across the parking lot and along the driveway, Prim insisted upon turning left. Curious, I trusted her and followed.
“Let’s go home.”
I said, hopefully, even though I didn’t actually know whether we could get back to our appartment this way. She led me along a brief strip of parkinglot, then pulled me strongly to the right to step onto a sidewalk. I couldn’t help but laugh. We stuck to the sidewalk, made a right, then walked another good distance, until Prim pulled right again and I recognized the slant of our leasing office parking lot beneath my feet, and a minute later reached out to feel the gate that would take us into our complex.
We had never walked that route before, but somehow Prim knew we could get home that way, and knew it was safer with side walks. She won’t let us walk any other way now. I love my safety conscious canine.
It’s my little brother’s birthday today.I cannot believe how old and tall he is!Isn’t it a funny moment when your cute little brother suddenly becomes your very hansom, tall brother?Seriously, he’s like a foot taller than me now… maybe more.
Anyway, these are my reflections on memories from 20 years ago when my baby brother was born.I miss and love you lots, Colin!Happy birthday!
I’m wearing my favorite dress… well, one of them.It’s the button up, with the pockets and the wide collar that looks like a slice of watermelon.I am glad I’m dressed up, because I’m a big sister now.I’m going to see my little brother.Being a big sister is an important job, and I want to look the part… especially because I want Mom to let me hold him.Only big, responsible girls get to hold baby brothers.
Grandmother says that we’re almost there.I see huge buildings and a parking lot filled with cars.There’s an apple on the seat next to me… the one my big brother refused to eat.He doesn’t like apples.I wonder if my little brother will like apples… he probably won’t be able to eat them until he’s three like me though.
We walk down a long hallway.It’s white tile and bright lights, and there are windows to our right.I see babies through the windows, in little boxes.Is he in there?I peer through the windows as we pass.There’s a dark-skinned baby… Is that him?I see a baby that looks a lot more like me, blonde and white-skinned, but then we’re turning into a room, and there’s my brother.
He’s curled in my Mom’s arms, wrapped in blankets.All I can see is his little pink face.Mom smiles at us.My big brother and I run to her bedside.Mom takes my hand and lets me touch his head, urging me to “be gentle.’
I am… I can’t imagine being anything else.My fingers brush over feathery baby fuzz, and I can’t believe he’s real.He’s just like my baby doll, Elizabeth, only warm, and breathing, and a boy.
I’m jumping up and down and asking if I can hold him.I can’t help it.I’ve been waiting for this moment forever!Mom says if I sit on the bed next to her and stay very still, I can hold him.I clamber on the bed and sit very still on top of the blankets.He’s in my arms, warm and heavy and full of sleep.
One thing our culture hates about God is that he is uncompromising.He demands certain behaviors of us, and condemns others, and there are consequences if we do not respond.We see that here.The master of the house invites several people to come in and be a part of his banquet, but each refuses, citing some excuse.Thus, the master says that none of those who were invited and denied his invitation will taste anything of the feast he has prepared.So uncompromising? Yes.
But he is also a God who compels.
“16 Jesus replied: “A certain man was preparing a great banquet and invited many guests.
17 At the time of the banquet he sent his servant to tell those who had been invited, ‘Come, for everything is now ready.
18 “But they all alike began to make excuses. The first said, ‘I have just bought a field, and I must go and see it. Please excuse me.”
19 “Another said, ‘I have just bought five yoke of oxen, and I’m on my way to try them out. Please excuse me.’
20 “Still another said, ‘I just got married, so I can’t come.’
21 “The servant came back and reported this to his master. Then the owner of the house became angry and ordered his servant, ‘Go out quickly into the streets and alleys of the town and bring in the poor, the crippled, the blind and the lame.”
22 “‘Sir,’ the servant said, ‘what you ordered has been done, but there is still room.’
23 “Then the master told his servant, ‘Go out to the roads and country lanes and compel them to come in, so that my house will be full.
24 I tell you, not one of those who were invited will get a taste of my banquet.’” (Luke 14:16-24)
Though some refused him, he sends out someone to compel others to attend the feast.Someone, like Jesus himself.Yes, God has standards, the highest ones imaginable, but God knows that we are broken, and in his great love for us he does not abandon us to our brokenness.We are poor.We have nothing to offer the God of the universe, and yet he does not simply leave us to suffer in our poverty.We are blind, but we are not condemned to darkness.We are lame, but we are not resigned to a life of immobility.Jesus moves us through his sacrifice, which demonstrated his love for us and atoned for our sin.He compels us through the Holy Spirit, who moves in our hearts that we might be able to hear and respond to the master’s call.
“If today you hear God’s voice, do not harden your hearts.”If we feel convicted over our sin, we should not be angry that the righteous creator God has called us out.Instead, we should recognize that such conviction is a mercy.It’s a call to come in and enjoy the feast of grace that God has prepared for all who are willing to partake.