Tag: motherhood

It’s Hard to Be the Fun Mom

We all know it’s not fair to compare, but somehow, I still end up watching a youtube video where the pregnant mother of two two and under has vlogged her day making multiple batches of cookies, going to the library for toddler story hour, making an amazing healthy dinner for her family, going to the playground, helping her toddler do a seasonal craft, and probably 5000 other fun productive things that I selectively forgot since watching the video and feeling terrible about my mothering skills. I know it’s not fair to compare, but any time I see women posting on facebook about their sour dough bread baking and all the books they’ve read and all the great things they’ve gotten to do with their kids, I come away feeling like my aims for just getting through the day without anyone starving or majorly hurting themselves were so low they didn’t even come close to hitting the bottom of the target, let alone coming anywhere near the bullseye. 

There are seasons I’ve wondered how anyone even gets their laundry done in a week and feeds their family without resorting to fish fingers. There are seasons where I have felt like getting out to the library for toddler story hour might as well have been taking a trip to Australia solo with two children in toe. But I’m realizing now, there are also weeks like this, when, I still don’t feel like the fun mom, but if I posted the highlights on social media, someone might think I am. We took our kids to the cafe, I brought them out shopping for a baby shower and then brought one of my children to said baby shower, we made three batches of cookies, including one decorated for Vallentine’s Day, visited a friend’s house for pancake Tuesday, had multiple beautiful walks in the sunshine, enjoyed visits from multiple family members and friends, and read a TON of books. 

Okay, so maybe not the fun mom, but not the totally disorganized boring mom either, which is normally the title I would most identify with. But these ARE just the highlights. I wouldn’t post about the times I rushed around throwing laundry into drawers while my husband spent the last 10 minutes before work with the kids. I didn’t mention the what felt like hundreds of nappy changes and potty training accidents. I didn’t bother noting the mornings I woke so tired I could hardly stand, stumbling out to fetch my screaming toddler and baby and blearily readying them for the day before willing my hands to spread cream cheese on a bagel for my daughters breakfast. I certainly didn’t tell you about the afternoon I continued feeling so exhausted that I collapsed on the couch during nap-time, only to have to retrieve my toddler 20 minutes later to snuggle with me on the couch for another 20 minutes or so, until she just wouldn’t tolerate it anymore. And while some nights I served a hot and healthy balanced meal to my family at the proper time, other nights I scrambled to throw a few frozen veggies in a pan and heat up some frozen potato halves to go with our leftover roast chicken, which we did not eat until after bedtime. 

Mom guilt is a real thing, and not always a bad thing. I think there are lots of things I can improve on in my mothering and home making. Sometimes my negative feelings surrounding the state of my home or the quality of the time I spent with my children are warranted. Sometimes, I do need to step back and repent of laziness, or lack of discipline, or selfishness, or whatever it is that seems to be the issue, but I also must recognize that the Lord is gracious, and the efforts I am making to grow as a wife, mother, and home maker are not unnoticed. The Lord knows how I need to grow, and he knows that my desire to improve in my role is a genuine one, and he is listening to my prayers. 

Comparing myself to social media moms so often ends in pure discouragement, and the temptation to wallow in self-pity and despair is strong, but there is no need. “No need?!” you say. “But you don’t know how much I’ve struggled! You don’t know how hard it’s been. You don’t know how many times I’ve tried and failed to be the mom I want to be.” And maybe I don’t. But God does, and he tells us that he listens to our prayers. 

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, through prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” (Phil 4:6-7).

I have lately been very convicted about my prayer habits. In praying more often, I have been astonished to see the Lord answering prayers, weeks, days, or even sometimes hours or minutes later. And I have been so powerfully reminded that my father cares for me, and wants to help me. 

Tired mama, lonely mama, anxious mama, grieving mama, impatient mama, frustrated mama, you are not without hope. Christ is with us. He knows our struggles, and he knows our need, and HE alone has the power to rescue us from our sin, and change us from the inside out to be better, kinder, more cheerful, more energetic, more organized, more patient mothers. Looking to social media can bring on the mom guilt, or sometimes it might give us something to aim for, some ideas we’d like to incorporate into our daily routine, but that’s not where we will get the help we need to grow. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth. 

Let us not grow weary in doing good, but rather, let us cast ourselves upon the abundant grace and mercy of God, telling Jesus about our struggles and hopes just as we would an earthly friend. You will find that the gentle nudge of our kind shepherd will lead you faithfully to will and to act according to his purposes. He loves you, mama, and knows exactly what you need. Trust him to be the one who will provide it.

Blind Mama Pregnancy Vlog | Week 36!

We are finally getting toward the end of sharing my pregnancy journey with you. I enjoyed filming these videos so much, and am glad I will have them to look bak on in the future. In this update, I share about a doctor’s visit, virtual baby shower, and our final preparations for baby. Watch my 36 week update here.

Thanks again for joining!

The Desire to Adopt as an Adopted Child of God | Reflecting on #WorldAdoptionDay

I have an adopted sister. She was adopted by her parents too, although not my parents. She was four years old when her parents adopted her as family, and 20 when I did. It’s funny when you adopt a sister apart from your parents, because there’s no legal process, no way to make the bond official to anyone else but yourselves, but the sisterhood is still there. She witnessed me grow up from a 16 year old, hot-headed kid to a 26 year old married, possibly still somewhat hot-headed mother. I have been there as she has navigated multiple college degrees, study-abroad, the loss of a parent, and marriage. God willing, we will share decades more of this life together, and she will be no less a sister when we are in our 80’s than she is now.

Maybe that’s part of the reason I’ve always had the desire to adopt a child. There has never been any doubt in my mind that the bond between parent and progeny is far more than biology. On this #WorldAdoptionDay, I can’t help thinking about that desire. In some ways it’s frightening to acknowledge. No matter how smooth the process, adoption always comes from a place of brokenness, and there are consequences for that. I know even from adopting an adopted sister that the trauma of loss from those early days of life can echo throughout the rest of a person’s adult years. We know from the Gospel that bringing such a child into your family is no easy task. Christ had to die on a cross to do it for us. Thus the adoptive parent must also take up their cross, and that daily, even hourly. 

And yet, the love that Christ has shown to us beckons me to love as he did, to share, as our father in heaven does, the love of a parent with one who would otherwise be orphaned. So the desire remains, and I struggle in prayer as I ask God to one day make it possible. I know that the desire for children is a good one, and we believe that God will place whatever children he has for us in our lives through whatever means he intends, whether through birth or adoption or otherwise. We know also that he will provide for those children, so as doubtful as it seems now that we, a year married with an infant in a tiny one-bedroom and a rather limited income, will ever be able to raise the funds to afford an adoption or have the sort of house we would need to pass a home study, we know that God is capable of far more than anything we would ask or think. It seems impossible that we, rebellious and rejected children, could ever be accepted into the family of a perfect and holy God, and yet through Jesus, that is exactly what we are. I believe it is possible in this case as well. Even if legal adoption is not in God’s plan for our family, I know that he will give us opportunities to lavish His love upon other unofficial family members, like my sister. For that,I am thankful, and will praise God as I continue to pray in hope. 

“Behold what manner of love the father has lavished unto us, that we should be called the sons of GOd.” (1 John 3:1)

Blind Mama Pregnancy Vlog | Week 30

The next update in my pregnancy journey! This week, I talked about some adaptive tools that might help if you are a blind parent yourself. Plus, my usual discussion of symptoms, a doctor’s appointment, and concerns. You can watch my 30 week update here.

Are there any tips and tricks that you’ve found useful as a parent to a young child? Let me know in the comments, and don’t forget that you can subscribe directly to my youtube channel to hear more about my experience of pregnancy. As always, thanks so much for joining!

Blind Mama Pregnancy Vlog | Week 26

In the interest of catching you up on the pregnancy journey and my thoughts on motherhood so far, you can watch my update from my 26th week of pregnancy here.

As always, thanks so much for joining, and if you want to hear more updates like this, feel free to subscribe to my youtube channel directly.

Blind Mama Pregnancy Vlogs | Weeks 22 and 24

I realized I missed posting the last several videos concerning my pregnancy journey here! Belowyou can find the links for my 22 and 24 week updates. Check back again here to hear more about my pregnancy journey, or subscribe to my youtube channel.

For week 22, click here, and for week 24, visit this link.

Thanks for following along!

Christ Identifies with Us in Pregnancy

Not far into pregnancy, I quickly discovered, as I’m sure many women do, that morning sickness is one of the great misnomers of our time. Morning sickness? You mean all day sickness? And if you’re referring to the time of day that it’s the worst, rather than the time of day that it is there (AKA nearly all the time), I would have to call it afternoon or evening sickness. The first time I threw up during my pregnancy was around two Pm. My husband noticed I was losing color, and encouraged me to lie down. He had to run out for a few things, so left me with a pot, just in case. I wasn’t expecting to do anything with the pot; so far over the last 12 weeks I only felt like throwing up, but never actually did… but only a few minutes after my husband had departed, I reached for the pot and clutched it to my chest. 

Maybe it’s called morning sickness because you throw up everything you ate in the morning, I theorized vaguely as fragments of my first meal made their rather uncivil reappearance. Why IS bringing new life into the world such a painful process, I wondered then, returning shakily to my pillow. Sin, I think, is the answer to that question, but we needn’t stop there. After all, there is an answer to sin, that is, Jesus, and he endured discomfort, pain, and humiliation to bring new life to all of God’s children. 

I am struck by the way pregnancy and birth, with all the associated difficulty and sometimes embarrassing side-effects, can point us to the cross. In John 3, Jesus tells Nicodemus that in order to be saved, he must be “born again” (John 3:1-7). This is because Nicodemus, like you and I, was first born with a nature prone to hating and rebelling against God. That is, he was physically alive, but spiritually he was “dead in his transgressions” (Ephesians 2:1). 

But how, as Nicodemus quickly asks, can one be born again? How does this “second birth” take place? Jesus says that it is through Him. In order for us to be reborn, Jesus, the Son of God, became also the Son of Man. He was born into the humblest of human situations. He endured the difficulties of daily life, including being tempted in all ways as we are. Though he remained always without sin, he chose to take on the penalty of our wrongdoing and suffered death on a cross.

Christ knows, more than anyone, what it is to suffer on behalf of another. He knows what it is to endure discomfort and even agonizing, unimaginable pain in order to bring new life into the kingdom of GOd. When I remember what Christ did for me, that I might receive new life, the trials and tribulations of pregnancy not only become easier to bear, but become also an opportunity to share, if very shallowly, in the sufferings of my savior. Through my discomfort, I get the joy of bringing a new life into the world, just as through his suffering, Christ granted new birth to every believer.

It’s not the comparison itself that matters. Any potential pain in pregnancy and birth will be nothing compared to the infinite anguish born by our Lord, but only the fact that it points me to him, that in every step of this process, from headaches to nausea to labor, I can reflect on the things Christ endured to make me new. Not only that, but in the moments that I start to think “I can’t do this” (I’m sure that thought will come in labor if not before), I can throw myself upon the one who identifies in every way with my struggles, and in fact knows them far more profoundly than I. It is truly wonderful to have a God and savior who sympathizes in every way with our weaknesses.

Blind Mama Pregnancy Vlog | Week 16

Excited to share the next installment of my pregnancy journey! This week, I talk about baby’s development so far, my blind parenting tip of the week, symptoms (including one that might be TMI, so feel free to skip those few moments of the video), plus some of my thoughts at the time on parenting fears etc.

Check out my newest video here

And come back next week for more updates!