I woke up this morning bright and early at 5:30 Am without an alarm. I think something about the knowledge that I am getting a new guide dog tomorrow is keeping me from sleeping well. I woke originally at 2:30 Am thinking it was time to get up… only to find that I had to go back to sleep again. What a disappointment.
I began the morning, as I will every morning while I am here, with obedience, although this time with no dog. The trainer used her arm to simulate the motion of the dog as I gave the commands and hand signals. We practiced sit, down, stay, and heel. The process was quite painless, and the only comment of note by the trainer is that I need to slow down a bit in backing up from my dog when performing “stay”, so that my dog isn’t tempted to chase me instead. Slowing down is something I have heard from my trainers a few times over the last couple of days… apparently my need for speed is putting myself and others at slight risk haha. I am trying to listen… I think that counts for something at least.
We had breakfast then left at quarter of eight for our Juno walks and live dog walks at White Plains. That’s right, this time, I got to test drive a real, live, actual, breathing, walking dog!!! Unfortunately, it was not until all of my other classmates had already done so. Yes, I was the last in the lineup. You can imagine the torture! My classmates sarcastically suggested that I might need a little coffee. It was clear that coffee was the absolute last thing I needed. One classmate added that I, “come pre-caffeinated.” It’s true. There is a reason I do not drink caffeine.
So, when my trainer finally came into the room (five hours later!) and announced that she was ready for me, I was raring to go. We headed out the front door of the White Plains facility and to the sidewalk. I took one end of the harness, my trainer took the other, and we began our walk, talking as we went about how it felt to me. After a few blocks, we paused and met up with another trainer who repeated the process with me. I always wonder what random passers by are thinking when they see a blind person being tugged around by another person with a heavy duty leather harness and no dog. We probably look a tad ridiculous, but I embraced it, enthusiastically praising my trainer for a job well done, and correcting her with a “No Juno, leave it.” when she went to sniff something off to the side. My favorite part by far, though, was the live dog walk.
“Here I am.” my trainer said as she approached with the dog. We had stopped at a section of sidewalk near the vans that held all our potential matches.
“Hi you!” I said, reaching out. “You’re so small!”
She was small! A teeny tiny Labrador. Oleta was a small lab as well, but this one seemed especially minuscule, and much smaller than Little O. Granted, I only got to see her briefly, but she does seem quite petite to me… small, but mighty, as I soon discovered.
“Juno, forward.” I said. The first thing I registered was pull. She was actually pulling out into the harness as a guide dog should, and as my retired guide hasn’t done consistently for years. She was also walking at a high speed. I felt a bit like I was on a rocket ship, and it was amazing. She was everything I had asked for and more. She found curbs like a champ, and didn’t stop until she was right on top of them. The clarity was incredibly refreshing. I was both joyful and a little sad to find that after 10 minutes spent with this dog, I felt I could trust her with my safety in a way that I hadn’t been able to trust Oleta for a long, long time… and I didn’t even know her name.
Admitting that makes me feel like a traitor. I feel guilty for the years I spent in willful ignorance of our issues as a team. I think I knew in the latter half of 2014 that our struggles then would eventually result in retirement, but I wasn’t willing to let go just yet. I wanted to make it work, and I think maybe I tried a little too long. By last spring, Oleta was going to extremes to show me that she was ready for retirement, and I wish I hadn’t pushed her to that point. Still, I needed her to stick it out due to the circumstances, and she did as well as she could. Gosh I miss her.
We had a transitions session tonight with all of the retrains to discuss retirement and moving on to accept and bond with a new dog. I am thrilled that tomorrow is dog day, and cannot wait to officially meet my match, but I can’t help thinking of Oleta. She is in my memory constantly, and I do long for her, but, as noted during the transitions session, the bond between guide dog and handler never breaks. It only changes. I have room in my heart for this new dog, and I have to do my best to keep my mind on that purpose and goal during my time here. That said, I almost broke down tonight, and I am sure it will happen sometime… it’s just a matter of when. This is emotional stuff.
Tomorrow is dog day. That means our trainers will meet tomorrow morning to finalize the matches between human and dog, and then we will gather in Alumni Hall to hear the name, gender, breed, and color of each announced in turn. After that we will wait in our rooms to welcome our dogs individually and have some bonding time before lunch and our first harness walks outside. I cannot wait! Praise God from whom all blessings flow!